The Art of Anger: A Satirical Side of Staying Calm!

"Mam, aap toh number 9 ho. Maine suna hai ki number 9 wale bahut gussely hote hain. Par aapko kabhi gussa karte ya chidhte hue nahi dekha... yeh kaise?"

Someone in my close circle asked me this when we met at a party.

I couldn’t help but smile.

It’s not the first time someone has pointed this out. I’ve heard variations of this question often:

“How do you stay calm?”

“Don’t you ever feel anger?”

“Don’t you get tired of staying so composed all the time?”

I leaned back and replied, “Let me explain…”

And just like that, a casual question unravelled into a deeper exploration—not just of my philosophy, but of a way to navigate emotions that might strike a chord with others.

Is Every Number 9 a Walking Firework?

Numerology tells us that number 9 personalities are passionate, intense, and prone to outbursts. We are known to charge headfirst into situations, hearts ablaze with purpose. And sure, I’m all that—when it’s worth it. If we’re not careful, that same fire that we are known for can burn bridges and hearts alike.

Just think about it: if you go around, igniting fires for every little annoyance, what’s left to burn when it actually matters?

Anger isn’t a free pass to chaos. It’s a responsibility!

And I take mine seriously by following what I call my Three-Tier Philosophy of Anger.

Understanding Anger Through the Lens of Relationships:

Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions. For me, it’s not about how loudly I express it or how intensely I feel it. It’s about channelling it in a way that aligns with my priorities and values. Over time, I’ve developed a three-point approach that helps me decide how to respond, depending on the bond I share with the person who has triggered my anger.

1. If They Matter to Me Deeply

When the person who angers me is close to my heart—be it family, a dear friend, or someone I deeply care for—I pause and reflect. Instead of reacting impulsively, I think: Why are they behaving this way? Why are they behaving this way? Is it a momentary lapse, or is there a deeper issue?

I tell myself, “If they mean so much to me, maybe I should figure out why they acted this way before reacting.” Often, people we love have their reasons—even if they’re terrible at explaining them.

For me, the relationship is often more important than the immediate problem. That doesn’t mean I agree with them or let them take me for granted. It means that I pause and reflect on the issue. I would prefer to resolve it when both of us are in a better mental space.

Does this mean I let them walk all over me? Absolutely not!

Let’s be real: patience isn’t endless. If someone I care for continuously disrespects my feelings and takes me for granted, I eventually distance myself—not out of anger but as a way to preserve my sanity. Everyone who knows number 9, knows the intensity of their anger eruptions and the chaos that follows. So, I choose the distance to protect my sanity and the relationship.

2. If They’re Acquaintances or Friends

When the person isn’t very close to me, I try to understand where they’re coming from. More often than not, their behaviour reflects their personal struggles and insecurities and, has little to do with me.

In such cases, I don’t see the point in reacting. Why escalate a situation when the other person might not even be in the mental space to understand or accept my perspective? Everyone’s journey is unique, and people approach issues based on their own cognitive levels, influenced by their circumstances and experiences. Showing anger in these moments feels futile. So, I prefer to give them the time and space to process their feelings.

Let’s face it—most people don’t wake up thinking, “Today, I’m going to annoy someone for no reason.” For example, if a colleague snaps at me during a meeting, my first thought isn’t, “How dare they!” It’s, “Hmm, maybe they’re dealing with stress or pressure I don’t know about.”

This perspective helps me stay calm and avoid escalating the situation. And honestly, why should I be the villain in someone else’s melodrama?

But here’s the catch: I’m patient, not blind. If someone repeatedly projects their baggage onto me without any effort to change, I eventually draw the line. As I like to say, “I’m empathetic, not an emotional punching bag.”

3. Why Spare the Strangers?

When the person is a stranger or someone who doesn’t hold much significance in my life, their behaviour simply doesn’t bother me. It’s a clear example of the "Not my monkeys, not my circus" mindset. Not everyone deserves a piece of your emotional energy, and that’s okay.

Picture this: You’re stuck in traffic, and a stranger honks aggressively behind you. Do you turn around and start a shouting match? Probably not. Why? Because they don’t matter in the grand scheme of your life.

The same logic applies here. I simply shrug it off!

Let me clarify:

Choosing not to openly confront someone doesn’t mean we lack courage or authenticity. On the contrary, it takes a lot of conscious effort to pause, reflect, and respond with intention rather than reacting impulsively. Our anger is our problem, and it’s up to us to decide how to deal with it.

But there’s one non-negotiable for me—disrespect.

If someone disrespects me repeatedly, I see no point in trying to explain or justify my feelings to them. For me, distance is the only appropriate response and here’s why: People who genuinely value you will make an effort not to hurt or anger you. And if they do, they will work to mend the bond over time. Someone who claims to care for you but doesn’t show it through their behaviour doesn’t truly value the relationship.

Setting boundaries and stepping away from toxic behaviour isn’t about grudges—it’s about self-respect. I’ve learned the hard way that if someone truly cares, they won’t let distance be the end of the story—they’ll bridge the gap and make an effort. And if they don’t? Well, that’s the universe’s way of telling you it’s time to let go…

The Satirical Side of Staying Calm!

Now, about the negative remarks that often come from people who equate loud expressions of anger with bravery.

Of course, my approach to anger doesn’t sit well with everyone.

I’ve heard them all:

“You’re not brave enough to confront people!”

“You’re just pretending to be calm!”

“You’re not what you show.”

Let me break this down:

“I don’t hide my emotions; I choose how to express them.”

“I don’t avoid confrontation; I choose battles that matter.”

“I don’t deny my flaws; I acknowledge them and work on them.”

Anger is natural, but how we choose to express it defines who we are. I don’t let anger engulf me. This isn’t some grand philosophy born out of years of meditation or self-restraint. It’s practicality, plain and simple.

👉🏼 My anger is my problem, not theirs.

👉🏼 My anger, or how I express it, won’t change someone else’s attitude.

👉🏼 Relationships matter more than temporary frustrations.

👉🏼 People who genuinely care for you won’t hurt you intentionally.

👉🏼 Actions, not words, reveal the truth of a relationship.

👉🏼 Distance is the only response to repeated disrespect.

Anger is a tool, not a weapon. And like any tool, its effectiveness depends on how you use it.

So, all the fiery numbers out there,

“Don’t extinguish your flame. Just learn where to direct it!!"

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